“Reflections Upon a Sneeze”

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The Problem:

You are at the mall or a coffee shop. You see an individual breath in like they are about to sneeze. They sneeze and do not cover their mouth. Your eyes open wide, the snot from their nose comes out like the lava from Mt. Vesuvius once did, and like the citizens of Pompeii you remain frozen in hopes you will survive.

As the clear liquid flies into the air, time slows down, you see your reflection from one of the drops, and you begin to ask yourself have you done everything you have wanted? Have you built a legacy to be remembered by?

You try to move and get out of the way but, alas it is far too late. The moment of escape has passed and you must now stand there and face the judgement this sneeze will pass upon you. You stand tall and accept your faith as foreign waters trickle onto your face.

This human volcano has no remorse and just walks away without an apology of any sort. A simple covering of their mouth or the smallest of handkerchiefs would have stopped this whole tragedy. Thanks for ebola sir/madame, but no thanks, keep it for yourself.

The Solution:

Have the decency to cover your nose when you sneeze or cough, nobody needs that polluting our space. If you do cover your mouth/nose and someone is nice enough to say “Bless you” have the common decency to say thank you. Also in retrospect if one was to sneeze and you see no other individual has had the decency to say “Bless you” to them, then take a second out of your day and be the one to do it. Don’t let there be an awkward pause, makes everyone uncomfortable. It’s like a student farting in class, just because no one acknowledges it, it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Be aware of your surroundings, be courteous, and stop drop and roll if you hear a sneeze. Better safe than sorry.

Till next time, be safe and keep hating

 

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“The Red Sea”

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The Problem:

You have had a long day at work and are very tired. You rush out of work because you remember you have tickets to the Los Angeles Traffic Show. For the next 12 hours you will be drive through 10 miles of the worst terrain ever, only to get home, sleep for 30 min, and do it again. Since the drive is so exciting and relaxing there are a certain few types of assholes who try to ruin your party.

Here are a few examples:

Jerkface #1: This is by far the most annoying person. You are merging onto the freeway or trying to change your lane. You signal, look, and start to merge, but out of nowhere the car in the other lane becomes a Speed Racer and goes above and beyond to get in front of you. We bid you Congratulations, you scumbag, now you have moved in front by 1 car and are still stuck going 2 mph. You have accomplished nothing and we hope you get a flat tire.

Jerkface #2: The person who honks for the 12 hours straight. Do you think loud noises will magically make the car in front of you disappear? Do you think maybe by honking people will feel afraid and part the 5 freeway for you? If you aren’t Houdini or Moses, those 2 things will not be happening.

Jerkface #3: The person who signals for 4 hours and does nothing about it. Signals are your words when driving, use them wisely, and when you do stand behind them. When you signal to go left and we slow down for you make sure you do it, be man/woman of your word even if it was by mistake. Honor is big in the world of traffic.

Jerkace #4: When you make a mistake and the person who was the beneficiary of your mistake decided it’s time to do their best Hulk impression in the middle of the freeway. It was a mistake, no one got hit, get over it, move, and learn how to control your feelings. If you want to talk we are here for you, but don’t yell at us.

There are many more annoyances along this incredible journey we all take daily, like the rubbernecker and the tailgater, but there isn’t enough blog in this world to cover them all.

 

The Solution:

These people are never going away. Bust out your favorite Yanni/Enya mixtape (or I enjoy a good Michael Bolton/Meatloaf combination), kick back, and enjoy the sea of red that you will be seeing till 2062, because that’s when we get cars like the Jetsons.

Till next time, be safe and keep hating.

 

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