“Look into my Eyes…”

mall-kiosk-people

The Problem:

You decide it is your day off and want to enjoy it by going to the mall. You walk through a few stores and on your way to the next you see the dreaded kiosk jerks. They wait for you to look even remotely close to them so they can pounce. The moment you look over, they hypnotize you, stare into your soul, and try to sell you one of the most ground breaking inventions of mankind: A remote controlled stuffed animal.

I mean I understand this is your job, but do you really think in the middle of Christmas shopping I want the three hairs on my head to be straightened? You know what while you are at it please go ahead and braid my back hair too! What makes you think blowing bubbles at me will want me to come buy something from you. Do I come to your house and throw things at you asking you to buy a t-shirts with my face on it.

These people are walking commercials you would see in between episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore Show. “Now for just 47 installments of $53,000 you can have this pen that will write underwater, and if you order now you can get matching goggles!”

Who honestly thinks these are a good idea. You honestly sat down, made a business plan, and a helicopter that flies 75 ft in the air when you pull a string is your revolutionary idea that is going to make you millions? You’re really sticking with that?

You sir/madame are like dementors from Harry Potter, you make a warm fuzzy day feel cold and you suck the life out of us.

The Solution:

If you are going to be working at a kiosk, please think about the product, and after giving it some hard thought…realize you are not going to get anywhere and don’t do it. When you ignore my sound advice and do open one, don’t harass people. If I want knock off sunglasses or cream to get rid of the tangles in my armpits, I will come to you.

Till next time, be safe and keep hating!

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4 thoughts on ““Look into my Eyes…”

  1. I’d love you to write about the people who station themselves outside grocery stores and confront you both coming and going. Often, children are sentenced to stand there all day and ask a question that begs to be answered in the negative, “Do you want to buy ……?” I feel so sorry for them, and that makes me want to buy something from them, of course, because a good guilt rush is more effective than a blitz of commercials… but then I feel so manipulated I say no thank you, and feel …. guilty.

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    1. Hahah I completely forgot about these people, I will definitely write one about them as well. Don’t feel guilty, if we bought cookies from all of them we would have no money left and be very unhealthy!

      Like

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