Up in “da” Club

clubber

The Problem:

You are at work or just hanging out with a few friends when a co-worker or acquaintance comes up starts talking about the amazing weekend he has just had. He talks about all the girls he got and how he gets into all the clubs and so on. Only thing is this sounds a lot like the past 45 weekends he also has had. You begin to wonder is this balding middle aged guy really that amazing? Have you been misjudging him this whole time? Could you possibly be this close to the most interesting man in the world? After a few minutes of thinking you realize that, NO! Not a chance in hell, this guy has done and will never do anything even close to the tall tale he spews.

To him I say, “Just because you got laid one time while Nixon was still in office, doesn’t mean you are cool and that you get all the girls.” There is a reason you are middle aged, balding, and single. The only reason you get in the club is because the club is too embarrassed to have you hang around outside. You stand out at a club as much as much as Mark Wahlberg did in the transformers movie.

It isn’t just the fact that you lie about just this incident, its that it is with everything. Not only do they lie, then you come and try to give you life advice. “You are telling me what I should do to succeed?” That’s like me asking Bernie Madoff to be my accountant. We both know you are wrong and don’t have a single clue about what you are talking about. Instead of telling me how to live my life, go wipe that spray tan off and invest in some clothes that don’t have the name “Ed Hardy” on them.

The Solution:

Now I know you had some good times in the past, but that doesn’t mean you can keep drilling it into our brains and reminding us of the one time a stripper gave you a high five. Life moves on, stop living in the past, and please stop telling me how to live mine. Grow up!

Till next time, be safe and keep hating!

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