“I’m like so Amazing!”

big deal

The Problem:

You are hanging out, chatting it up with a few friends and discussing a variety of topics. Lets say the topic of dogs come about, and sure enough someone chimes in with “I’m the best with dogs, they love me, I’m the dog whisperer!” Everyone looks at one another and smiles and nods, but in reality you think “First off, how the hell do you know, did the dogs of the world have a meeting and decide you were going to be the sole person they loved? Second, chances are you aren’t because you look nothing like him and you aren’t the same height as a garden gnome!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am ok with people having confidence and high self esteem, but not to a point were you begin complimenting yourself. You saying you are amazing is like Adam Sandler saying he is the best actor/director there is. Now there might be a little kid who thinks so, but that doesn’t make it true. You are as amazing as “Jack and Jill” was, now that is a statement I am totally fine with.

You cannot going around complimenting yourself. If you are so great, let others do it for you. You complimenting yourself is the same as my mom telling me I am a great catch, everyone involved knows it isn’t true but we say it in hopes to fill the void in our personalities (come to think of it my mom hasn’t said something like that in years, I’m beginning to think shes lost faith in my amazingness) Someone please reassure me I am a wonderful human being!!

The Solution:

Don’t do it. If you think it, keep it to yourself, there is such a thing as having too much confidence, and at that point you come off as an arrogant jerk. Be nice, be good at what you do, but never overestimate yourself.

Till next time, be safe and keep hating!

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“Critical Television”

tv

The problem:

You like most of us have a job, things to do, and occasionally enjoy some good old fashioned television. You have your taste and like what you like. You tell your friend about the show and they brush it off like “oh ok cool, yea that show is fine, but do you watch Barney goes river boat gambling?” To which you respond with “No, don’t have too much time to watch television, haven’t seen it.” You are then greeted with the most appalled face you have ever seen, and they reply in disgust with “You haven’t seen it? Its like the best show ever right now, I can’t believe it.”

You pause to think for a moment, and ask yourself Are they on the show? Did their parent direct it? That is the only reason that might muster up this kind of reaction. Later you realize they are and never have been part of this show, yet they act like you insulted their mother. I get you may like a show and think it is “the greatest show ever” but here’s the funny thing about opinions, they are yours and only yours, keep them forever, no need to share, and when you do don’t expect others to agree. When did you become the end all be all of what tv shows to watch.

There is the other end of the spectrum as well, when you mention a good tv show and ask if they have seen it, it is shut down faster than when I use to ask my mom for video game money. Your opinion is not good enough is what I have learned with these people, so I agree to everything and just nod and reply with “yea man what a great show, cant get enough of it,” when clearly I have not nor have any intention of watching it, just because you told me to. I might be missing out on a great show, but screw you I’m not watching it.

The solution:

If you like a show, take the following steps when asking others about it:

  1. Have you seen this show?
  2. Oh no, you have not? Well I believe you would quite enjoy it and find it entertaining, if you happen to have time after your busy workday
  3. If you do end up watching it, please feel free to open up discussion about the show, as I am a huge fan.

Be kind and courteous to all opinions and remember some people just don’t like watching that much television.

Till next time, be safe and keep hating!

“Name Your Price”

used car

The Problem:

You are really excited about getting a new car. It’s all fun and games until you actually have to go purchase it, then come these leeches ready to suck you dry. As if it wasn’t hard enough to make a decision you get these car salesman who make it as much fun as sitting through a Matlock marathon.

It all starts with a phone call, “Hi I was wondering what kind of deals do you have on this car?” They follow up with “Whats your name?number?blood type?” WTF do you need all that information for, what is my grandmas first address have to do with the promotion you have going on? No you jerk give me a damn ballpark and we will go from there.

Let’s say you don’t feel like calling so you go there. These goddam assholes stick to you like glue, back off you clingy ex girlfriend I’ll call you when I’m ready, we broke up for a reason. You stare at a car for one second and you hear form the back “if this car was in a drag race with a 100 cars it would come up 3rd in the first 4 seconds” you respond with “oh good, that’s amazing, it’s the only criteria I look for in a car, but I only go for first place winners.” In the words of Ricky Bobby’s father “if you aint first, you’re last” and I live by that motto.

So then you choose the car you want to buy and the freakin’ side show begins. “Lets run some numbers and see what we can do for you” They go away for a few minutes pretending to talk to their boss and show up sweating like they came back from Vietnam in 75′ and tell you “I don’t know how they are giving us this deal, but you seem like a nice person, this is what I can do for you $45000 down $6500/month” you pause and say “No thanks, the deal on the tv said no down $20/month” he then respond “oh yea that not including tax, my grand children’s school tuition, utilities for a bridge they are building in France, and funds to save a little polar bear born in a Japanese zoo.” You try to leave and they yell and go back and forth until you believe you have a good deal, but in the end you both know you have just paid for small private jet and all your getting is a malnourished three legged donkey!

The Solution:

Set a price, don’t lie to us and sell us the damn car without any gimmicks. In other words don’t be you!

Till next time, be safe and keep hating!