“Gyminy Cricket”

PARROT

The Problem:

The gym is an awesome place to go, it is fun, feels good and gives us a chance to get into shape. Like most amazing things, there are those who just take it overboard and ruin it for everyone. I will just give a few examples as I am sure there are many that I will miss, because I will run out of space:

1. The “WTF are you doing” Guy: There is always a small amount of people who come to the gym and work out like it 1655. They start doing jumping jacks, jumping off of stairs, use the machines only as a leg stand, and hang dumbbells around their necks while doing the Macarena, because someone before the Industrial revolution used to do it and they got big. They have machines for that now and if thats the route you are going to take, you really don’t need the gym.

2. The “Hey, you are doing it wrong” Guy: You are working out and the skinniest guy at the gym comes up to you and starts to teach you the history and form of the exercise you are doing. “Thanks guy with the same muscle definition as Gumby, but I got it from here, you can just jog on and go bother someone else.”

3. The “Im Buff don’t fit into a normal shirt” Guy: There is always a good 20% of guys who are basically wearing nothing but shirt hanging on by a thread. Are you that keen on showing of your muscles that you need to be completely naked. If you were so fit you wouldn’t need to be shirtless for us to see, maybe work harder we can see those muscles with a shirt on!

4. The “Selfie” Monster: You go to the gym to work out, we see you there, and if we aren’t there we are constantly reminded you are there by the large amount of pictures you post letting us know you are there. Now here is the thing, No one cares, not even one bit, you can take all the pictures you want, but your “transformation tuesday” looks the damn same as it did a week ago. Unless you grew an extra arm or a muscle none of us have ever seen before, please limit yourself. You are at the gym to work out, stop showing off. Let other people tell you that you look nice, don’t beg for it.

5. The “Work in with the Hot girl” Guy: There is always one guy who will follow a girl at the gym and want to “work in” with the girl at the the gym. There are 50 other machines and you where doing chest a second ago, now magically you have to do the hamstring machine with the girl wearing yoga pants? Just…No!

The Solution:

Go to the damn gym, work out, say hello to friends, make some new ones, but don’t be annoying, don’t show off, and please don’t be creepy. The gym is a fun place to let of some steam, so don”t make it an uncomfortable place to be for anyone involved.

Till next time, be safe and keep hating!

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Shut up and Eat!

food

The Problem:

If you are on social media you either have this problem or are a part of the problem. You scroll and all you see is pictures of food. Someone on your friends list has decided to go to a new restaurant and decided to let you know. Once in a while thats fine, but when you do it so often you start turning into a bit of an asshole. No one outside of you cares about the food you eat. Also when you mention “OMG best food ever!” to every freaking meal, you start becoming a bit untrustworthy and a liar and no one wants to be friends with a liar. If it was good, just say “Hey, I ate good food today” I promise no one wants to know what you ate every damn day! The only person who might cares is your doctor, cause at this rate the only thing you are going to get a lot of, except likes is; cholesterol, fat, and all the other benefits that come with eating that double fried grilled cheese donut.

When did this become a thing. Why can’t we just enjoy our company we are with instead of caring who likes our food. Do you work for the restaurant? Do you earn a commission if you reach a certain amount of likes? Pretty sure the answer is no, so don’t do it!

Unless your food is doing front flips and singing and dancing to La Bamba I don’t care to see it and I’m pretty sure no one else does either. Do you think we all sit here and impatiently wait to see what your eating next? No! How about go exercise instead (but oh wait they will send you a picture of that too).

Please stop encouraging these people as well!

The Solution:

How about instead of taking a picture of the food, try putting a picture of the chicken that gave up its life for you to be able to enjoy it. It was raised and breed to be eaten. This is the chicken’s shining moment! Don’t ruin it by taking a picture of it and denying it its final respects. Dig in and enjoy!

Till next time, be safe and keep hating!

Go Park Yourself!

Parking

The Problem:

If there is hell on earth, I am pretty sure it is parking lots. It should be one of the easiest things to do, but the idiots of this world make it one of the most annoying processes. We spend more time parking than the actual time we spend running the errand we are trying to do and it is because of the following scenarios:

1. The jerk off who thinks their car is worth 4.5 million dollars and has to park like an asshole. They take up 2 spots just because they don’t want their $4,000 partridge family van to get dinged up. If you park like that, most people will go out of their way to hit your car.

2. The person who signals to take a spot from a family of 40 who have just started to unload their shopping. This person will not only stop in the middle of the parking lane and signal, but will also get mad if you honk. To make matter worse there is about 30 spots open 4 cars away from the spot they are trying to park in. How hard is it to walk a few extra inches, you need it, I promise. You can gain the 4 calories you lost my walking by going to the nearest Cinnabon you already planned on going to.

3. The person who insists on backing up into a spot! “It’s easier to get out” That statement makes no sense. You honestly waste a minute trying to back up into the spot to save 5 seconds on your way out. it is not that time consuming to back up. This isn’t a race, and if you have to be somewhere quickly, you probably shouldn’t be at the mall. Park like a normal human being and stop being an asshole.

4. The person who stops and asks everyone on their way if they are leaving. If they were leaving they would be in their cars. Do you really expect the 30 cars to all back up so you can take a spot you just missed. How selfish are you, just drive up 3 more inches and park in a damn different spot. I get it stairs are a hard obstacle to overcome, but thats why they have elevators now.

5. Last i leave it to the employees of this hell hole. First you get the over joyous parking attendant. They stare at you like you owe them something besides money, its not my fault you work in a parking lot. I didn’t force you to slack off in chemistry class and decide to drink instead of learn. I am not the reason you are sitting in a chair in a parking lot. It is your job, smile! Next comes the worst people ever, the parking ticket people. I don’t have words for how much I despise getting a parking ticket for parking 5 min extra (and you know they are waiting for it to expire), or forgetting to read the 2 pt font that says don’t park here on Thursday. Life is hard enough and we have a shitty enough time parking, don’t make it worse by making me pay $80. Go get a real job you leech!

The Solution:

Walk! This problem will never be fixed as long as there are people driving in this world!

Till next time, be safe and keep hating!